“I realized that once people are broken in certain ways they can’t ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older as you see the people in your life break one by one.”
And sometimes you watch yourself break. You sit and watch as piece by piece the inner ‘you’ falls apart, you grab at those pieces and try to repair the cracks and tears, over and over again until eventually, you just give up trying to make things whole again. Far better to build a bonfire, throw on the remains and wait to see what arises, phoenix like, from the flames.
She’s the one sleeping all day, in a room
at the back of your brain. She wakes up
at the sound of a cork twisted free
of a bottle, a stabbed olive
plopped into gin. She’s prettier than you
and right now you bore the shit out of her,
sitting there sipping when she wants
to stand on the rim of the glass, naked,
dive straight to the bottom and lie there
looking up, amazed at how the world
wavers and then comes clear.
You’re not going to let her. You’ve locked her in
with her perfume and cheap novels,
her deep need for trouble. She’s the one
calling to you through the keyhole,
then sneaking away to squirm out
a window and tear her silk dress.
You can’t guess where she’s going,
or who you’ll wake up with
when you finally wake up,
your head throbbing like a heart.
She’s the one you’re scared of,
the one who dares you to go ahead
and completely disappear. It’s not
you the boys are noticing, not you
turning toward them and throwing off light.
You’re crouched in a corner, coming undone.
She’s in love with you now. She’s the one.