Rethinking

Let’s thank our mistakes, let’s bless them
for their humanity, their terribly weak chins.
We should offer them our gratitude and admiration
for giving us our clefts and scarring us with
embarrassment, the hot flash of confession.
Thank you, transgressions! for making us so right
in our imperfections. Less flawed, we might have
turned away, feeling too fit, our desires looking
for better directions. Without them, we might have
passed the place where one of us stood, watching
someone else walk away, and followed them,
while our perfect mistake walked straight towards us,
walked right into our cluttered, ordered lives
that could have been closed but were not,
that could have been asleep, but instead
stayed up, all night, forgetting the pill,
the good book, the necessary eight hours,
and lay there – in the middle of the bed –
keeping the heart awake – open and stunned,
stunning. How unhappy perfection must be
over there on the shelf without a crack, without
this critical break – this falling – this sudden, thrilling draft.

– Elaine Sexton, Rethinking Regrets

Moonchild

Oh little moon child in dandelion field
Toes in the grass, a flower in your hair
Magical eyes waiting for moon  revealed
Sun going down, painting amber across the sky

Gentle breeze blows, swaying deep emerald trees
Butterflies flutter, as your lips let out a precious sigh
Moon enters night,kissing softly stars shinning bright
Beautiful glow captivating your warm and tender heart

Oh little moon child, your soul now dances in the halo of light

Broken

“I realized that once people are broken in certain ways they can’t ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older as you see the people in your life break one by one.”
Douglas Coupland

And sometimes you watch yourself break. You sit and watch as piece by piece the inner ‘you’ falls apart, you grab at those pieces and try to repair the cracks and tears, over and over again until eventually, you just give up trying to make things whole again. Far better to build a bonfire, throw on the remains and wait to see what arises, phoenix like, from the flames.

Bad Girl

BAD GIRL

She’s the one sleeping all day, in a room
at the back of your brain. She wakes up
at the sound of a cork twisted free
of a bottle, a stabbed olive
plopped into gin. She’s prettier than you
and right now you bore the shit out of her,
sitting there sipping when she wants
to stand on the rim of the glass, naked,
dive straight to the bottom and lie there
looking up, amazed at how the world
wavers and then comes clear.

You’re not going to let her. You’ve locked her in
with her perfume and cheap novels,
her deep need for trouble. She’s the one
calling to you through the keyhole,
then sneaking away to squirm out
a window and tear her silk dress.
You can’t guess where she’s going,
or who you’ll wake up with
when you finally wake up,
your head throbbing like a heart.
She’s the one you’re scared of,
the one who dares you to go ahead
and completely disappear. It’s not
you the boys are noticing, not you
turning toward them and throwing off light.
You’re crouched in a corner, coming undone.
She’s in love with you now. She’s the one.

~Kim Addonizio

Alo…..who?

Alopecia… one word that strikes dread through anyone who is told that they have it.

The hair – the crowning glory – slowly and then more rapidly makes a dramatic exit stage left, usually smiling up at you from the pillow or laughing at you from the shower drain. It is initially just a little concern. Is my hair a little thinner today? Creating more and more alarm as you notice that what was once manageable and easy to style, is becoming less and less.

There are many forms of alopecia, it’s a minefield to try to find out which one you have and what to do about it. Some are less severe than others, but all forms are a nightmare for the sufferer.

There are many causes. An initial visit to the doctor for blood tests will rule out illness – thyroid problems, hormone changes or lack of iron – leaving the sufferer deep in the unknown. Will it grow back? who knows! 75% of alopecia sufferers who lose hair through stress, pregnancy, shock, poor diet or a combination of these, will eventually see their hair return perhaps in 3 to 6 months or so. For the other 25%…….??

Stress, anxiety and pregnancy are the major causes of alopecia for women. The hair loss will start to show about 3 months after the initial cause of the stress and will unfortunately continue until the stress is removed, but, loss of hair causes anxiety, you worry and stress over the hair loss resulting in…… great!!

So what do you do?

1)  Cry
2) Cry a bit more
3) Try to hide the thin bits. This helps
4) Panic when the hair thins so much that you cannot hide the thin bits
5) Cry again (this serves no purpose at all!)
6) Eventually, give up and either live with the problem or buy a wig

There is nothing that removes your confidence more than a bad hair day. Living with that and worse every day is totally draining. The initial reaction once things start to get bad is to hide away. Who really wants to go outside with barely any hair and no confidence? It’s not a solution, but the reaction is understandable.

Vitamins and a good diet will help a little, but be prepared for the long haul, this is not a two week illness that will miraculously disappear.