Deliberating ..

If a blog is somewhere to expose your deepest thoughts and feelings, then perhaps I should make a new one, keep the address to myself and use it for ranting and deliberating. Or maybe, I should just do as I always do and just keep them to myself…..

I was told last week that I am a person that ‘everyone likes’. What sort of comment is that? Is my life so insignificant and pointless that I am here just to please everyone? Perhaps so. I have always, always put other peoples feelings before my own. Always given consideration to what I say and do, so that I don’t cause hurt or upset. Somewhere along the way though, I lost me. I am sure I am inside somewhere, there are little thoughts and words that reverbrate in my head, protesting that I too have feelings, I too can be upset, hurt and angry, without the whole world coming to a halt, without anyone noticing or even caring.

I spent the whole day smiling, a false painted on smile, nothing deep and meaningful about it, but hey, I’m always ok, so who would know?

My epitaph. ‘Here lies Katie, everybody liked her’ – except that I don’t like myself, at all!



Why do they do it? WHY, why why!

24 and dead, leaving a little child and a whole load of heartbroken friends and family. She was such a beautiful child, a lovely young woman, and now she is gone.

My heart is throbbing with pain, I cannot stop crying, and it’s all pointless cos nothing will mend it.

I want arms and hugs, love and kisses, and reassuring words. I have none of those and just have to support those who are even more affected than I am.

Life is a bitch, and sometimes, I just bloody well hate it!